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| I thought this was entertaining....I wonder where I'd land. |
Last Saturday morning, before my Graduation party, I weighed myself. I nearly passed out when I saw 126.1 lbs. That was 4.9lbs less than I weighed in at on that Monday! No way! 5 lbs in one week is amazing and just what I needed. As the weekend carried on, I drank a bit at my Graduation party, didn't eat much but had about 5 s'mores that evening. I was really bummed about the weather and the next day I went to a friends' house for a Pampered Chef party and emotionally ate and drank all day because it was a perfect day and I felt I had to "make up" for the crappy weather the day before. At my weigh in on Monday, the number was exactly the same as it was the week prior. Here is where the mind games come it. If I hadn't weighed myself on Saturday I would have been thrilled that I maintained over the busy social weekend. But, instead of being happy I didn't gain I was depressed because I could have been down 5 lbs if I would have had a normal weekend sans parties. So I've been struggling with that thought all week. This week, I made my darling husband (DH as we say in WW) hide my scale. As long as I weigh in the same or less than last week I'll be okay because I can't compare it to another number that I saw this week. Weighing myself daily is not good for me. Once I hit goal, I think it will be okay but for now I'm so obsessed with the number and hitting goal that weighing daily isn't a great thing.
Keeping it a mind game, in conversation this week with a friend, they mentioned that someone else had made a comment about how much I talk about Weight Watchers or food or what-have-you. In my defense, the friend commented that you can truly see that I talk about it because it is a big part of my life. And she's right. I have struggled with talking about my journey. I want to talk about it because I have accomplished a lot but on the same hand, I don't want to bore people or make people feel I'm conceited or whatever. After hearing her defense, I feel she was totally right. In the same way people talk about their kids or pets or whatever it is that is a huge part of their life, that's how my journey is to me. It's my baby. We've had our ups and we've had our downs. There is a lot to talk about and advice to give and take and emotions to sort out. The same as it is with any other kind of a relationship. It just happens to be one of the biggest parts of my life. So don't ever let anyone make you feel uncomfortable when you talk about some so important to you.
It's been a rough week. I'm struggling with finding a job, I've only had one interview and I never heard back. I'm struggling with hitting goal. Yesterday at the dinner table I just started crying for no reason. No trigger. Nothing. Just started to cry. Every once in a while I just need a good cry and then I'm fine.
I don't know what to expect at my weigh-in on Monday. I'm hoping I stay the same. It's been a week of pizza two nights in a row and drinks with friends two nights in a row. And the weekend hasn't even approached yet.
Monday will be a fresh start. To a great week.
Thank you so much for sharing and your honesty KC. I also get so discouraged because I did so great first couple of months I was supper focused and lost a lot. I also struggle with being obsessed with the scale I too asked my husband to hide it... I had a 4.8 loss and celebrated that but immediately felt fearful that it wasn't permanent... I know my history to self destruct. I also know that a huge difference this time is that I have not quit. I have bad days & weeks but I can also put the breaks on and get back on track. I AM NOT QUITTING THIS!!! and I know that it will take time and there will be set backs but I will not go back to where I was in December 2010.
ReplyDeleteAgain thank you so much for sharing and I know I am not alone and the beautiful thing is neither are you. XOXO
I have been number obsessed for probably about 5 1/2 years. Between both the scale and my clothing size. My mom constantly tells me it is not about the number. But for me it is. Nothing can ruin my day more than stepping on the scale and even being a few ounces heavier than when I stepped on the scale the day before. There are some days where I know I have to be in a good mood and I don't have time to fuss over how fat I look in my clothing, so I don't even get on the scale because I fear that it will give me something that makes me unhappy. I know what you mean when you talked about if you hadn't gotten on there then the weigh-in would have been a positive experience instead of a negative one. Sometimes I think, well maybe I will be lighter and then my day will be even better than it already is! It is an obsessive compulsion for me. Not the healthiest thing, but I have read that people who weigh themselves regularly tend to weigh less and manage their weight better. Because they can see if they are putting on weight quicker, and can change their behaviors to alter that. Jason actually asked me to not lose any more weight this weekend. He said he thinks I look amazing and I was too skinny when I got pregnant. I laughed and said not going to happen. He also called me an exercise addict to his parents this weekend. I can't help but wonder if my obsessive habits have created obsessive habits for him. Always keeping an eye on me, making sure I am not getting out of control...
ReplyDeleteSometimes a good cry does help. You will get there Kc! You have said that summer is usually more difficult for you when losing weight. If you maintain that is awesome. Summer is always so consumed with outdoor parties and get-togethers.Which usually revolve around food, food, food, and for non breastfeeding ladies, drinks! So maybe this fall and winter you will shed the last pounds. You will do it, it will happen. I wont tell you that you don't need to because I KNOW how that sounds and what your brain tells you regardless of other people's view. I just think you will hit your goal. It will happen before the year is up. That is my guess! Keep up the amazing work. Don't worry about feeling like a downer now and then. We all have our bad days. :-)
I agree that people who weigh themselves regularly probably end up having a better control of their weight. It makes perfect sense. However, I would weigh myself throughout the week, knowing that it's going to fluctuate a lot (depending on sodium intake, water, etc). I was always amused how at the end of the day it could be 2 or 3 lbs more than at the beginning of the day and then 2 lbs less the next morning. I weigh myself so often because it would keep me on track for my weigh-in that really counted at my meeting on Monday. Some of us have a "party weight" that we joke about. All week we check out weight and as soon as it hits the "party weight" we cool down on the eating...well, mostly put down the glass of wine. Haha. And then likely are back to normal weight within a day or two. The only time that the ounces really bother me is if I'm teetering between two whole numbers. Like, if I'm at 129.2 I'm pissing that I couldn't get to 128.9. Otherwise, the ounces don't typically bother me. This week, I've decided to weigh in tonight instead of this morning. With yesterday being Fathers Day, it gives me extra time to workout before my weigh and get those extra few calories gone. I haven't weighed myself all week...I have no idea what the scale will say tonight. Last Monday morning it was 131.0. I'd love to see 129 tonight but we will see. This weekend I have leader training which is Friday-Sunday and it's overnight and meals are provided so I know next Monday I should be able to hit close to 125, assuming I lose at todays WI. The weekends are the hardest (especially in summer) and having the WW eye on my all weekend will help me break this plateau!
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